


I Could Never Give You Peace (Lucifer Morningstar/Reader)

by writingtoforgetreality



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Past, Anxiety, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Language, Panic Attacks, Peace, Songfic, Taylor Swift - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 10:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30138417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoforgetreality/pseuds/writingtoforgetreality
Summary: Lucifer and you were dating but your past did not make this relationship easy for you. Your mind did not want to give you the satisfaction of being happy with another person. You were certain: you could never give him peace.Inspired by: "peace" by Taylor Swift
Relationships: Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)/Reader
Kudos: 9





	I Could Never Give You Peace (Lucifer Morningstar/Reader)

_Our coming-of-age has come and gone_

_Suddenly the summer, it's clear_

_I never had the courage of my convictions_

_As long as danger is near_

_And it's just around the corner, darling_

_'_ _Cause it lives in me_

_No, I could never give you peace_

It took you long enough to finally give in and go on a date with the famous Lucifer Morningstar. You guys worked alongside for the L.A.P.D and it was clear, from the very first second, that you would eventually end up together. Despite many of your protests, you let him take you out and the rest was history.

Why were you so concerned in the first place? Well, your life had not been particularly easy to say the least. It all started when you were born. Your parents were not ready to be just that: _parents_. Hence why they had never given you the love you desperately crave for as a child. As you grew older and started school, you had a hard time making new friends. Again, you ended up alone, nobody giving you attention. Everyone had treated you as if you were invisible. It did not take long and you did, in fact, start to slowly disappear. The few friendships you managed to have throughout the years and so on, all they did was giving you an unbelieving look. _“It´s probably because you deserve it.”_ As a kid, hearing so many people tell you this over and over...you started believing them.

Those events concluded to you being depressed and filled with anxiety. You swore to yourself that you would never let another person get too close to you again. The ending was always the same, there was no point in trying anymore.

Despite your hard times in high school and college, you managed to get a job at the L.A.P.D and you absolutely loved to work there. Yes, some sort of teamwork was necessary but you did not have to be friends in order to be a well working team. Your colleagues were so nice to you and you would have loved to get to know them better, become friends even, but your past prevented you from doing so. This rule did not apply for every single one though. For once, there was Chloe Decker, who had helped you get settled in and always made sure to reassure you of your abilities without even knowing that you struggled to believe her. Ella made you smile and laugh uncontrollably, something you were unfamiliar pretty much your entire life. Dan was this self-love-advocate you could not be mad at. He started his days off with going around the precinct and throwing an inspiring quote at you. One person, though, was something else. Lucifer's presence seemed to calm you every time. Feeling at ease was something you were not quite used to but when he was around, you were... _happy?_ A feeling you had never experienced before. Lucifer read you so well, he knew your past had been bad. Your face, your flinches, the constant need of reassurance gave you away. For the first few months, he did not say anything to you. What he did try, though, was trying to ask you out. Lucifer wanted to get to know you better but you did not make it easy for him, that much was sure.

Somehow, he did get you to agree to go on a date with him. The two of you started the night off at LUX but soon the crowd was growing and you felt uneasy. Not wanting to ruin your night with Lucifer, you did not say anything and tried to hide your anxiety. He sensed your feelings and suggested to head up to his apartment which you gladly accepted.

That night changed you forever. Due to the alcohol in your system, because you never drank, you started opening up to him. At the end of the night, you were seated in Lucifer's lap, your head buried in his chest, your tears staining his shirt. Lucifer was beyond angry when you told him everything. Not at you but at everyone who had ever hurt you. You were so precious and definitely did not deserve any of the pain you had gone through. He made it his job to be there for you, to help you through it. All he wanted to do was help.

About two weeks after this incident, you guys started dating but not before you warned Lucifer.

“Look, Luci...Truth is, I'm a mess. I don't want to burden you with my problems.” your eyes focused on the floor, not wanting to see his reaction.

“Let me take care of you then.” he said, coming closer to give you a hug that made you feel at home. Because that was what he was to you: _your home_.

_But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm_

_If your cascade ocean wave blues come_

_All these people think love's for show_

_But I would die for you in secret_

_The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me_

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

Your relationship was well received by the rest of the department. For the first time in your life, you felt true happiness and love. Yet, the demons inside your head did not make it easy for you. The voices constantly reminded you of your insecurities. There were days you did not want to get out of bed, scared you would fuck up every little task you were asked to do. It had happened multiple times before. You simply did not want to let anyone down, especially not Lucifer.

_Your integrity makes me seem small_

_You paint dreamscapes on the wall_

_I talk shit with my friends_

_It's like I'm wasting your honor_

“(Y/N)? Darling, what's wrong?” you were hiding in one of the interrogation rooms, trying to calm your panic attack that was currently going on. That was why you did not hear Lucifer storm in. He had been searching for you and his gut feeling told him there was something wrong.

“Hey, it's okay. I'm right here.” he started by slowly touching your shoulders, not wanting to scare you and increase the panic inside of you. His touch made you look up at him. This only made you cry harder, embarrassed he saw you like that. This was the first time Lucifer saw you going through a period like that but you had told him before that you suffered from them every since you were little. He positioned himself so you were both on the floor and hugged you close to him, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Even though you did not really understand what he was saying, your heartbeat slowed down and your breathing came back to normal. You had never recovered from a panic attack that fast before.

“I'm sorry.” you sniffed, your eyes red and puffy. Lucifer felt a sting in his chest by your appearance. It hurt him just as much knowing that you had to live with a mind that wanted to play tricks on you.

“You know there's nothing to be sorry about.” he smiled at you, stroking your back softly.

“You could've anyone and yet you're with me. I'm broken, Luci, I'm way past being saved.” his eyes widened at your confession. How could someone as beautiful as you think of yourself so horribly. To him, you were a gift he was lucky enough to receive. He never wanted to live without you next to him ever again. Words were not what you needed at the moment, so he let his actions speak. His lips crashed onto yours in such a soft and loving way that made you melt into his touch. You could feel everything he was trying to say and were endlessly grateful he had saved you. Without him, who knew where you would be right now? After pulling away, he looked deeply into your (Y/E/C) eyes and whispered something that made your heart skip a beat.

“You'd do the same for me. You saved me as much as I saved you.” it was as if he read your thoughts. Lucifer always knew what to say in such situations. Yes, he could be a sarcastic, narcissistic asshole but when it counted most, he was empathetic and simply perfect. But he was right, you would do the same for him.

_And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences_

_Sit with you in the trenches_

_Give you my wild, give you a child_

_Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other_

_Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother_

_Is it enough?_

The day he saw you having a panic attack changed something in your relationship. Lucifer watched you more closely, touched you whenever he had the chance to do so. He read you so well, it seemed like he knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes. Another thing Lucifer did, something you were not aware of, was to let Chloe, Ella and Dan know about your struggles. He did that because he wanted to avoid any triggers as far as it was possible. From that time on, everyone paid close attention and it really worked. Your anxiety was not as triggered anymore and you even let them get closer to you. As close as calling them your friends. For the first time in years, you had actual friends. Friends who looked after you, wanted to get to know you better, cared for you like the family you had never had. Despite all of their love, you still had down days. Days where you could cry for hours, where everything seemed to set you over the edge, where your dark thoughts haunted you. Days that made you question your relationship with Lucifer. The voices telling you that he deserved so much better than you. Were they right?

_But there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west_

_I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best_

_But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me_

Luckily, Lucifer knew when you where feeling down and on those days, he made you feel extra loved. Sometimes you guys took the day off and just wandered around the city, relaxed in his apartment or just cuddled in his bed. He knew what you needed without you telling him. Something you were entirely thankful for because, sometimes, _you_ did not even know what you needed. Having him in your life was a true blessing. Who would have thought that the devil had such a soft side for a human being? 

_But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm_

_If your cascade ocean wave blues come_

_All these people think love's for show_

_But I would die for you in secret_

_The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me_

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

“Luci?” your voice was barely above a whisper. The two of you were laying in his bed, just cuddling and enjoying the silence. He hummed as a sign for you to continue. You wanted to ask him a question that had been lingering in the back of your mind for a while now. Before, you were always too scared to confront him with it, thinking he would look at you like you were pathetic. Maybe you were.

“Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?” despite your quiet voice Lucifer heard you loud and clear. He pulled you closer to him. Your head was under his chin and he moved so he could kiss your forehead. Your thoughts were running wild. What would his answer be like? Would it ruin what you had? Would it ruin the only consistent thing you had ever had? Would he leave like the others did?

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

“Darling, I feel peace whenever I'm around you. Wanna know why?” a slight movement of your head made him continue. “ _Because I love you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, yes, hello. I need a Lucifer in my life. How can I order one?
> 
> Feedback is welcome!
> 
> -xocathy


End file.
